Chronically ill student

The hidden part of the iceberg at university.
Or “ why my biggest fear is not to fail a class ”.


  • you have to get your muscles to do the right thing
  • you have to be careful not to fall
  • not to punch someone
  • not to break anything
  • not to forget what is in your hands
  • not to drop or to throw anything
  • all of these can happen if you don’t pay attention


  • you have to focus
  • to understand that someone is talking to you
  • to understand that someone wants an answer
  • to remember the sentences they/she/he said
  • to understand it
  • to know/find the answer
  • to build a comprehensive sentence
  • to say it
  • to do all of these in few seconds


  • to sleep, to study, to rest, to go to the hospital
  • how many medical certificates can be accepted
  • to manage with the planned and unplanned
  • if you will need specific fittings for your exams
  • if your body will be able to work the night shift
  • if you can stay invisible or not as a spoonie
  • if others can count on you in a group work
  • if you can count on yourself (spoil: probably not)
  • how to react to discrimination, ableism included
  • how to react if the university want to dismiss you


  • you may suffer like hell
  • you may be in a huge conflict with your brain


Now, maybe you have an idea for what i’m anxious in my everyday student life. Every steps i wrote can be difficult or almost impossible for me. 

But I am there, in the front row, recording the courses and sharing all the audios with the other students. 

They compare their rankings to mine. 

If only they knew. 

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